.MARION

Final Straw

2012-02-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

It's been almost a month of sleepless nights and paranoia. With regards to the above picture, I have my reasons. I attribute my "P.I" skills to being in an all girls' school and having friends like Marl & G. You know what? It's a useful skill. You know why? It protects me.

This is not just a phase, and I'll be damned if I let you put it under that category again. There is no such thing as full disclosure anymore. I'm going into this with my eyes wide open and I'm leaving before I get hurt.

I have always been a very jealous and possessive person and I'm not going to apologize for that. This is who I am and if you can't accept that, you need to go. I'm not going to change who I fundamentally am. Simple solution: If you don't do things to make me doubt you, then I wouldn't be jealous/possessive. I fiercely protect the people I love and I'm not ashamed of it. If you feel the need to tell everyone else about how I am and how you're so disappointed and hurt that I am this way, then why are you with me? Go be with someone else who's more suited to your needs.

I've said this before and I'm going to say it again. Some things may not be important or matter as much to you, but if they matter to me then the least you could do is acknowledge it. If you want to make me happy? Don't persist on doing the things that make me feel uncomfortable. Things that make me feel uncomfortable? My boyfriend being extremely close to another girl whom he's only known for less than a year. You keep comparing your situation with me being close to Darren/Bez. You have to understand this. I've known Darren for almost 4 years now. We were never as close as you are with her in the beginning stages of our friendship. Of course we are a lot closer now, that's what time does. I'm close to Bez because we have a history and we remained good friends after the demise of our relationship. I've also known him for almost 4 years. How can you compare what you have with her, a girl you've barely known for a year, to people I've known 4 times longer than that?

Yes, I'm not going to give a shit anymore. Because every time I do? I get labelled as the "bad guy". Of course you'll be all, "it's not your fault"/"i don't want you to change"to me. But when you talk about me to her? I'm "overly emotional"/"have trust issues"/"low self esteem". It's nice to know that those labels are coming from the one person who is supposed to love me for who I am.

I'm tired of this, so here's the deal. I'm not going to bring her up anymore. I'm going to let you do your own thing with her or with anyone else you choose. I'm not going to be "protective"and "paranoid" anymore. What you do with other people is your business, I have no say and I don't want a say.

Here's the ultimatum:

If anything does transpire, (& I have my ways of finding out. Believe me.) we're done.

p/s: i'm not "okz", i've not been "okz" for a month now. so, good luck with that.

Changing

2012-02-01T21:11:00.000+08:00

It's been a while, huh. The things is, I have so much to write all the time that I get lazy. I used to want to put down all my thoughts in this space every day. Well, almost every day at least. Now I find myself writing in notebooks, of course keeping them under lock and key. I've known all along that knowledge is power, and until recently that was never an "important" thing (so to speak) in my life. I know better now and it makes me stronger. It's time to build up what's left of my self esteem and this is how I'm going to do it.

Things have gotten a little crazy over the past month and I have Ariel/Clique/G to thank for being my anchors. My thoughts are all jumbled up right now because something's on my mind, but I'll try to remember everything that's been happening.

Celebrated New Year's Eve and welcomed the New Year in a club in America with my older cousins. Super fun, super awesome. Spent the last few days in the States holing up in Chrystal's apartment while she was at school. The cold makes me the laziest person in the world. For 3 days I didn't bother to eat proper meals because I was too lazy to get out of bed. There was once when I ate 2 slices of Kraft Cheese (the square ones) for lunch. Finished watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and was pining for my television shows that I couldn't torrent. Took the chance to sign up for Hulu because it's only available in the States and I managed to watch a lot of shows that I wouldn't otherwise watch! Okay, this sounds boring lol.

On the 2nd last day I was there, it (finally) started to snow! Had snowball fights with the cousins and took cheesy family pictures. It was mad fun :D The first fall of snow is always the prettiest and I'm glad I got to make snow angels (childhood dream came true lol herpderp)! Overall the States trip was fun and I'm glad to have spent time with everyone. I know I was all mopey and emo on Twitter, but I really appreciated my aunt and uncle paying for my trip there (:

Got to spend time with the boy when I got back, which was lovely because I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks. During the last weekend of my month long holiday from school, Clique had our awesome sleepover. It was a packed day, but super worth it! Dropped off our stuff at Randee's place and headed down to USS. I've been there 4 times now, but with different people. Screamed our lungs off on Battlestar, took crazy photos on the Mummy, took the slowest.ride.ever in Madagascar and finally experienced the Transformers ride. OMG IT'S SO AMAZINGLY MINDBLOWING I CAN'T WAIT TO GO BACK TO USS AGAIN WITH MY BEST FRIEND (and hopefully our boyfriends)! Went back to have dinner at Randee's place, and started getting ready for clubbing at 10pm. We took forever to get ready, it was so hilarious! Finally left the house at 11.30pm and took a bus down to Butter Factory. I'm never wearing heels to a club ever again. Correction: I'm never going clubbing again. It was a good night with the girls though (: Music only started getting (slightly) better at 2 and we left at 4. Interesting crowd, clubbers. I lost count of the number of girls in g-strings and the number of asses that got groped. Never clubbing again lol. Once is quite enough!

School started, 4 modules this semester, no school on Thursdays. (I'm getting tired of typing in case you can't tell.) I'm quite happy with my schedule, despite the two 5 hour long breaks on Mondays and Wednesdays. The girls + Edison (only one guy LOL) keep me sane during the breaks and we always have a plan to do something. Thankfully Shalyn drives on those days so that we can go places!

Then it was CNY, which was boring as usual. Had a week long break from school, so that was nice. I haven't gotten into "study" mode yet because of all these breaks. On the 13th of this month, we don't have lessons either. It's like some random holiday because even our lecturers don't know why lol. Today someone told me: "Oh it's a holiday because it's Buffalo day." Like an idiot that I am, I believed him. /facepalm

Yesterday, Randee left for Perth. Sent her off at the airport and was reminded how precious my girls are to me. Also, the question of "who's next" is something I don't want answered. I can't lose anymore people, I don't think I can take it.

It's been a rough month for the boy and me. Well to me, at least. "You must understand that even though a person loves you, you must also consider the fact that you're not the only one that makes him/her happy." #mantra

Also, all the feelings I've been feeling the past 3 weeks:

So happy one second, incredibly depressed the next

Sunshine to shadow/Pandemonium to loneliness/Fierce anger to a fiercer kind of love

Life is too messy

Needy

Content

Skeptical

Jealous

Paranoid

Hopelessness

Despair

Love

Excitement

Feeling secure to a crumbling mess

Overthinking

Scared

always....scared.

I miss the old me. The old me wouldn't give that much of a shit.

CHRISTMAS 2011

2011-12-26T03:40:00.004+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Looking back over this year, I have many things to be grateful for. Here are some of them!

I'm glad that I graduated for NYP and got into SIM-UB. Yeah, it may not be NUS/NTU/SMU, but at least I'm still getting an education. I'm glad that Bezner and I still remained friends after the breakup, as hard as it was on the both of us. He's a keeper, that boy, and any girl who gets together with him is very lucky. Any girl who thinks otherwise, is an idiot. I'm grateful for Ohsketchedtape, for making my last days in NYP so very memorable. I miss all of them. Special shout-out to G: Thanks, for always being there for me and know that I'll always be there for you (:

The best thing that happened this year was getting together with Benny. I know everyone had a lot of doubts that it'd work because of our age difference, but we make it work. Not just because we love each other, but because we want it to work. We don't have that many things in common, and I used to think that it would become a problem. But after a while, I realize that because of that, we complement each other (: Sure, we have our petty squabbles and everyone knows that I'm too emotional for my own good, but he never throws that in my face. For that, I am extremely grateful. Baby, I love you so very much. Thank you for never giving up on me and for always reminding me how much you love me. I miss you so much and I can't wait to be in your arms in 2 weeks.

I am eternally grateful for Clique. They are my pillars of strength, my harshest critiques and my best friends. I know that I can always count on them to support me, comfort me, give me much needed wake up calls, make me laugh and never leave. We're amazing together and I know that what we have will only continue to grow and be stronger. These are the girls who will be the bridesmaids at my wedding and the godmothers of my children. I can't wait till we all grow up, have kids and start our lives (: I can't wait to be back home and have our much awaited sleepover!

I love the new friends that I've made this year, be it in school or through Benny. I enjoy the daily Mumble sessions I have with the retards because they never fail to make me laugh. Nazri (nastyyy), Lid, Emir, Ping Gui (Aycan), Raj (a.), Theon (spiffybuns) and Gema (too many monikers to name, but the most famous one would probably be div hahahahaha), thanks for the laughs! To Dianne, Shalyn, Jacq, Mei Chun, Sarah, Wan Zhen, Hanis, Sam, Edison, Maurice and Scuter, thanks for making the first semester at SIM-UB so much better than I thought it'd be.

Of course I'm grateful for my family, as much as they drive me crazy (:

Alright, I've got to hustle! LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS!

Christmas is Coming!

2011-12-23T16:12:00.000+08:00

Hello, from the top bunk (: I ♥ you guys!

The Day I Lost My Voice

2011-12-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

I'm curled up in the corner of my top bunk bed at my step-cousin's place in Portland, Oregon. This is where I feel the most comfortable in the entire house. So far this trip hasn't been what I expected it to be. I feel more alone than anything else, and I know I should be grateful to be able to be with family the coming Christmas (Jesus Christ, this year has flown by) and New Year. But it just doesn't feel...right, you know? It's not all bad, it's just not...great. Like I thought it'd be. And you know what they say, expectations can kill you.

I miss everybody back home. I miss the city life. After going to New Zealand and the various parts of the states, I now know that I'm a city girl at heart. I expect that I always will be. I miss the crowded streets and the constant low hum of conversations. I miss the bright lights and the familiar faces. I guess this is why I fell in love with Barcelona. It was the perfect mix of loud and quiet. I would love to visit New York, I think it would be my favorite city.

Haven't heard from the boy in 2 days, he's in New Zealand now. It's hard to get a hold of each other because of the time difference. Also, wi-fi is expensive there. I wish I could spend Christmas with him. The past few Christmases have sucked, and it looks like it's going to suck this year too. I can't wait to be in his arms again.

3 more days to Christmas, 10 more days to 2012, 19 more days till I'm back home.

You know, I used to have this wish that one day I'll be able to go on a trip with just my friends. I remember when we made (or at least tried) to make plans. But right now, that is shot to hell. I can't start over. I don't know where to start.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Before It's Too Late

2011-12-02T11:42:00.001+08:00

Can't wait for the 12th of December! By then I'll be done with all my papers and it'll be the start of the month long holidays :D I already feel like it's the holidays tbh. Have zero motivation to do my work & revise for the exams. Sigh. I hate school. But when I start working, I know I'll probably hate it too. I'm such a loser I swear.

Going to spend most of my holiday in the states! Leaving SG on the 15th of Dec and only coming back on the 10th of Jan. Part of me is excited to go, because I haven't seen all of my (closest) cousins together in about 6 years. Another part of me is bummed because I won't be spending Christmas/New Year with the boy. I think I made up for it though, because yesterday I bought him his PSP! That silly boy was so surprised, he lifted me up in public and kissed me hard of my lips hehehe. Yknow, like in the movies :D I love it when my surprises go well (:

Finally going to have the Clique sleepover that we've been dying to have since who-knows-when! We settled on the 13th of Jan because everyone else is busy & I'd be away. Hehehe so excited to crash Randee's new house :D I have a feeling that we'd be spending most of our time in her pool. After baking like batches of cookies/brownies/cupcakes! Erza and I will also get to experience clubbing for the first time hahahaha. Can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait!

Sigh. All my fun plans have been made for my holidays but it's only 2nd December. First paper's on the 5th. Last paper is on the 12th. Can someone please put me into a coma until the 12th? Pretty please? ):

Was looking through my blog stats and I didn't realize that so many people read this page? *waves hi*

Superstar

2011-11-20T00:06:00.002+08:00

Because at the end of the day, we'll always work things out (: I know you may not happy with how I handle things, and yes I am irresponsible sometimes and I'm sorry. I'm just glad that when everything's said and done, we still love each other (: & no I'm not mentioning this on this space because you "complained" today :P [I know you're thinking it hehe]

I'm really grateful to have such an understanding boyfriend. We're making so many plans now and I love that (: I love how you always make me laugh, I love how we can tease each other about our past and not feel awkward. I love how you always know when to grab me close and kiss me on the top of my head to reassure me (: But one of the main reasons why I'm happy with us, is because you never gave up on me. I love you, B4nny <- (brings back so many memories!) ♥

4 more months to our first year! Time really flies and I hope there'll be many more (: ♥

Pablo Neruda

2011-11-19T03:59:00.001+08:00

Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

You Could Be Happy

2011-11-11T01:03:00.002+08:00

I'm still struggling to come to terms with the fact that you're gone. It's been fifteen days and I'm left wondering when it'd stop hurting. Maybe this'll be another thing that I'll tuck away into my subconscious mind only to have it haunt me for the rest of my life.

One more month to the end of the semester and I can't wait for it to end. God knows I need that month's break. Hopefully I'd be able to enjoy myself and catch up with everyone. Crossing my fingers to have the sleepover with Clique at Randee's new house. I still can't believe she's leaving in January ):

You could be happy and I won't know

But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said

Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were

But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure

I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are

You made me happier than I'd been by far

faux jumeau

2011-10-31T20:14:00.002+08:00

It's the last day of October. Time really does fly by. Just 2 months ago I didn't have to deal with all this shit, but now Finals are in a month. I'm so unmotivated to study it's not even funny. I don't care anymore. I just want to get school over and done with. I'm so sick of studying, going for classes, having anal teachers and sitting for ridiculous test papers like computer science.

The boy has started school and that's cutting our time together by... well a lot. I feel like I'm dating a guy in the army and I know G would probably kill me for saying this because it's totally different, and yeah. Okay, so maybe not the army. But I don't get to see him (almost) every day anymore when I have been for the past...4/5 months? It's a huge change, which we'll eventually get used to. It just sucks that's all.

Thankfully I have my TV shows to keep me entertained. Re-watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S and am once again reminded why it is my all time favorite television series. I ship everyone of them so hard. Chandler/Joey for always making me laugh. Ross/Rachel for being the perfect imperfect couple. Monica/Chandler are meant for each other in every way possible. Phoebe/Mike, well because she's quirky and he's a stud. I'm still trying to find the F.R.I.E.N.D.S/HIMYM group of people in my life, and it looks like it's not going to happen. Oh well.

"Time, sometimes the time just slips away & you're left with yesterday, left with the memories. I, I'll always think of you and smile, & be happy for the time I had you with me. Though we go our separate ways, I won't forget, so don't forget the memories we made."

I only want the best for you, and I hope that you'll be happy. That's all I want. For you to be happy. Please, remember.

You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory

2011-10-12T00:16:00.003+08:00

So many tests coming up and assignments to do aslkdfa;lksjflaskjdf. I'm not loving school right now. I don't think I'm cut out to study but what else can I do right. If you want to have a future in Singapore (because let's face it I'm going to live and die here), you need "proper education". Ah well. Keep Calm and Study Hard #mantra

Anyway, past few days have been lovely because I've been spending a lot of time with my boy (: Went down to the club with him today & I love it there. It's so "chilleks" as nastyyy would say hehehe. Caught Real Steel with him (the boy, not nastyyy) and OMGAWD I WANT A ROBOT. Actually, I'd rather have a Transformer plskthx. The Avenger's trailer is out and omg I watched it like 5 times straight and I'm so so so so so so so so so so excited. AND THOR'S CHUCKLE OKAY IS LIKE SO CUTE MY HEART SKIPPED LIKE TEN BEATS HEHEHEHE #fangirlscreams

Ripping FRIENDS for G so that she can take have some form of entertainment when she goes to the States for 2 weeks! 5 seasons done, 5 more to go! I hope that I can finish it in time before she has to leave /:

Got to meet up with Ohsketchedtape & Clique recently so my friend cravings have been satisfied :D It's nice to see how everyone's doing and how we can still laugh over the same silly things even though it's been repeated too many times to count!

Having a 5 hour break later and the boy & Theon are coming down to keep me company! Super duper excited, they always make me laugh and I'M SO EXCITED I DON'T KNOW WHYYYYY

Earworms [ which I really want to get rid of >:( ]

1. Love You Like A Love Song - Selena Gomez

2. Sexy & I Know It - LMFAO

3. Baby - Justin Bieber (/facepalm)

Earworms [ that I want to have forever ]

1. Any song by A7X (currently, Bat Country)

2. Fix You - Coldplay

3. My Heroine - Silverstein

4. Iridescent - Linkin Park

5. Baby, It's Cold Outside - Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer

6. I Swear This Time I Mean It - Mayday Parade

7. Thunderstruck - AC/DC (Live)

8. Forget Her - Jeff Buckley

Beginnings

2011-09-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

It's been more than 2 weeks since I've updated this space. So many things have happened I don't even know where to start heh. Truth is, I can't recall most of it. I mean I guess I could, but I'm too tired so idgaf.

School's starting to get more and more busy. Just finished my PSYCH & SOC mid term papers. I did okay for SOC, actually I think I did quite well *pats self on back* but kinda screwed up my PSYCH. It's crazy, 4 weeks into school and it's mid terms. CSE & COM papers are coming up. I hate CSE I don't even know why I have to take it. Pffft.

So maybe you've been wondering if I've made any friends, and you'd be glad to know that I have! The first guy I met was Benjamin See, but he has his own OG mates so we don't really hang out. I spend most of the time with Dianne & Shalyn because we have the same classes. Dianne's really adorable I love her to bits :D Then there's Jacq and Mei Chun, who are Dianne's friends. There's Edmund & Edison who are geniuses. Edison's parents are in the Air Force how cool is that! Hahaha, anyway hanging out with the girls is making me more girly I think. Which is a nice change, sorta. But then I come home & play TF2 with my boy and Theon so...*shrugs*

The boy's been coming down to SIM a lot (he's having holidays now) to have lunch with me, and I really appreciate it (: We'd have dinner at Clementi Mall after I'm done and (sometimes)pig out on Baskin Robbins hehehe. Speaking of pigging out, I really should stop /:

Met up with Bez when he booked out & he's so tan now!! Lost quite a bit of weight too, which is great. He looks good though, and I'm glad he's coping (: Someone keeps stealing his clothes idky lol. Poor thing! Had lunch at Old School Delights with him and then drove around Singapore. It was nice to catch up (:

Right now I'm thinking of joining a CCA in school. My mom all of a sudden wants me to have a social life, so she's extremely supportive. Which is weird. Her, being supportive. Anyway, I can't decide what to join. I'm down to 3 choices: Muay Thai, Touch Rugby & Tennis. I've already signed up for Touch Rugby but I've always wanted to do Muay Thai. Tennis is something that I've always wanted to get back into because I used to play with my Dad. So...I don't know ):

Anyway, early day tomorrow so I've got to head off! Might be going to do mani/pedi at FEP later with the Dianne & Shalyn :D I love 5 hour breaks and having friends that can drive hehehe. Good day tomorrow (minus the fact that I won't get to see my boy)!

Okay there are a few things I want to remember I did but am too lazy to explain. Anyway this is for my reference and you guys just happen to be reading so whatevs.

ALL MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS ARE OUT :D
Mickey Dee's breakfasts with the girls at Serene Centre
Food Republic lunches at Wisma on Wednesdays
Laughing at stupid lecturers
Whatsapp convos with Clique ♥
Long bus rides to get to town/city to meet the boy
Island Creamery with Theon+Benny (can we do this more often?)
Mumble sessions with Theon being an idiot
Watched XL play floorball comp
The way you remember the little things (: ♥
How I'm reminded all the time how lucky I am to have you ♥

Ciao~

Eggshells

2011-09-12T17:23:00.004+08:00

Double date with my bestfriend & bf was a little awkward, but I'm glad the boy got her stamp of approval (: We will probably go out again, but this time we'd probably plan a big thing hahaha. Benny had to go home for dinner, so I hung out with Ariel & Andrew. Something I haven't done in a while. Great company, great food (sushi!!) and great dessert (Cold Stone)! I'm glad we did this (:

Met up with Bez & Yi Ci the day before they booked in. Stupid Bez didn't tell me he shaved his head hahaha so he surprised me & I shrieked. At Far East Plaza. So embarrassing -.- It's a pretty good look for him, imo. Had lunch at ION and caught up. Can't wait for them to book out!! Bez's been texting me and so far he seems to be doing great. That's really great to hear because God knows I worry for that boy. But so far, so good!

School's improving drastically & I've finally gotten the hang of things. Assignments are piling up but I think I'm managing..-ish. For those who follow me on Twitter probably know that I'm the #1 Procrastination Queen. I really do have to kick that habit /: Psychology is still, by far, the most interesting subject of this Semester. I wonder if I picked the wrong major...hm.

Masterful got 3rd place at the TF2 Lan Tourney yesterday and I'm really very very proud of them for trying (: They've had some hiccups the last couple of weeks, (*cough*PRISS*cough) but I'm glad it all worked out. They really are a bunch of hilarious guys & Mumble sessions with them always cheer me up. Can't wait to meet all of them! (: I think Gemok looks damn funny in the photos hahaha.

summer/nasty/emir/lid/aycan/panda = 2pro4skool ♥ #teammasterful

I don't know how to fix this and I'm scared as hell.

Thunderstruck

2011-09-05T21:39:00.004+08:00

Saturday was the perfect day (: Got to spend the entire day with my boy & we lazed around in bed. We're really lazy pigs omg. We keep saying that we'll get up to go have lunch, but an hour later we're still sleeping LOL. Watched Jersey Shore (plz dont judge kthx) for lulz and their drama = epic ownage. I can't believe that they're so retarded.

Went for ONEFC at Singapore Indoor Stadium in the evening & met up with Randee. The atmosphere was electrifying! She got us the best seats in the house and it was really really awesome. There was this idiot guy sitting next to Benny who's such a pretentious douche and I wanted to slap him. Hahaha, k I'm so mean. But if you were in my shoes you'd totally understand :D

Anyway, we had to leave just before the last fight because it was already 11.30pm and we had to make our way home. Heard that the last fight was super epic. The fighter broke his nose! Oh well. I wish I didn't live in Jurong srsly. So far from everything >:( Took bus 14 all the way from Kallang to Clementi. But it was all worth it because I got to spend the entire day with my boy (:

Monday's the longest day in school but it was okay today because he came down to have lunch with me. Hehehe, totally made my day! Decided to skip my last class because uh, Computer Science sucks balls. If I have to hear "binary codes" again, I'd kill myself. Went down to City Hall to meet Theon & Gema (: Had dinner at Sho Teppan and then went shopping at Penisular (: Decided to drop by The Brownie Factory so that I could train home with Randee!

Okay you can probably tell that the past few days have been absolutely delightful & you're riiiight :D Super happy right now I keep putting emoticons all over the place. I shall (try to) stop now hahahaha.

Tomorrow's a short day in school & then after that it'll be double date with my bestfriend(& her bf)! Having lunch with Yi Ci on Wednesdayyyyyy yay!

I LOVE THIS WEEK :D

Disengage

2011-09-01T22:30:00.002+08:00

Found out today that I don't have to take any more free electives because all my credits from poly got transferred :D Also, I don't have to take 2 COM modules & 4 General modules. *jumps around*

Getting used to school & the environment. I apologize to my readers for the past 2 posts. I know I was being whiney and mopey because I hate change. But change is inevitable, I know that. The initial shock is now over and I'm standing on my own two feet, I'm glad to say. Who needs company, when you already have so little time for yourself?

I miss my boy. I haven't seen him/been talking to him as much because it's his exam week. I can't wait for Saturday so that I can finally spend the whole day with him (: We've got the whole day planned out and I can't wait can't wait can't wait! I think I've been especially clingy this week (and even he's admitted it) because..well I don't know why really. But I love that he finds it adorable heehee. Not that I'm going to continue being like that, because I know it'd get annoying and tiresome. I just appreciate that he's so patient with me (:

Meeting Bezner tomorrow before he enters Army! Hopefully I can squeeze in another chill session before he books in. Times really flies omg ): So much has changed but I'm really happy with the way things turned out between us (: Tomorrow would be the first time we've gone out (just the 2 of us) as a non-couple. But I think we can handle it, it's been 7 months.

And suddenly I become a part of your past

I'm becoming a part that don't last

I'm losing you and it's effortless

Without a sound we lose sight of the ground

Oh well.

The Familiar & The Strange

2011-08-31T01:10:00.003+08:00

Had a great time with Clique at Erza's house. I'm so so grateful for them & I love all of them very very much. Played with her 4 cats & 2 hamsters :D I want pets >:( Stayed there for about 6 hours talking crap hahaha. Mostly reminiscing about Crescent days and how much everyone has changed. I'm glad we're all still very very close. Oh & Randee finally got Twitter :D

2nd day of school tomorrow. I've got a 5 hour break in between and that really sucks. Long breaks = feel unproductive = waste of my time = sleepy = no mood for school. I still have a Degree Requirements/Exemptions talk to go for after school. So it's another 12 hour day for me ):

I wonder when I'll stop being a whiny bitch about school. I really dread it. I don't want to hang around with someone's group of friends. I'd much rather be alone than tag along like some kind of lackey.

3 more years to go. Yay me.

Weekend, please come now.

Crumbling

2011-08-29T21:31:00.006+08:00

First day of school sucked royally.

1) I only had 4 hours of sleep [couldn't get enough because I was too nervous]

2) 12 hours in school

3) Got totally lost trying to find my classes

4) Walked past the same guy 4 times because I couldn't find my 8.30am class

5) He probably thinks I'm a complete idiot

6) Everyone's already in their own little cliques

7) Lonergalx1991

8) Computer Studies is compulsory (idekw)

9) Binary codes are confusing

10) Extremely overwhelmed

11) Extremely alone

At the end of the day, when I walked out of school, I almost broke down. It just felt like the whole day was shot to hell. The only saving grace of the day was my PSY101 because...psych is damn interesting. Maybe I should change my major, or take a double major.

I feel like I've been thrown into the ocean without a life vest & I'm struggling to keep my head above water. It's only the first day. It doesn't help that I've turned into a complete awkward turtle too afraid to come out of my comfort zone.

Here's hoping that this madness will die down by the end of the week and I wouldn't be such a retard loser emogal1991. I still feel like dying.

Can't wait for tomorrow. Spending the day with my girls will be a huge help.

/edit

Best Remedy = Going into Mumble to hear my favorite malay boys & of course my favorite boy (:

I want this.

Hallelujah

2011-08-28T19:37:00.003+08:00

Bez's birthday party was actually not bad & I kinda enjoyed myself. As predicted, the boys were playing FIFA on the XBOX (almost) the whole night hahaha. Food was good as usual, because Bez cooked. Everything was pretty much normal until the boys broke out the vodka.

Yi Ci, Keith and I just sat there watching everyone else get wasted hahaha. Kenneth kept asking everyone to do more vodka shots while he drank beer (thinking no one would notice LOL). Wesley was gone even before I left, but props to him because he's only..17? Plus he never drinks that often. I couldn't get off the couch because he was leaning against me muttering/laughing to himself. He's surprisingly heavy for such a small thing! Heard from Bez that he puked later on hahaha.

Anyway, I'm glad that Bez liked all his presents. Next step, army. Can't wait to see him with no hair :D Sigh, all the boys growing up.

All in all, a pretty good night.

School's starting tomorrow and I'm so unprepared. Sigh. I have to be there at 8am & will probably only end at 8pm. 12 hours of school on the very first day. If that doesn't suck, I don't know what else does. Still, I hope the people are nice. I really cannot take anymore high school drama.

Can't wait for Tuesday because I'll be meeting Clique! I always have a good time with them (: Those bitches got my back. Saturday's One Fight Championship night, and next Wednesday the boy's finally going to meet the bestfriend :D First time double dating with her! I. Am. Super. Excited.

Okay, dinner's ready gtg!

NTS: Buy stationary and shorts for schooooooool (kbai)

Progressive

2011-08-27T00:11:00.005+08:00

So another chapter of my life will begin on Monday. Going to SIM-UB for the next 3 years, after a 6 month break from studying. I want to say that 6 months seem to have flown by, but at the same time it felt like forever since I've been to school.

Went for Orientation on Monday and managed to talk to my seniors to find out more about how SIM-UB works. The amount of credits that I have to fulfill in order to graduate might be waived because I was from poly. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that it'd be true, 'cause then I don't need 3 years to complete my course. If I don't get exempted for anything, well then that's too bad. But I'm not going to whine about it and drag my feet to school. I need to get past this because I'm sick and tired of waiting for things to happen. (I'm saying this right now so that when I actually start to whine, and I probably will, I'd kick myself in the ass.)

Didn't go for the camp after the morning briefing because I'm not a "rah rah" type of person. If I had to do their cheers/mass dance I'd have killed myself. Anyway, I went for something better. I got to spend the night with the boy instead (:

We went to m00n hotel@23 Dickson and spent the night. I'm so glad that we got to do that because I have a feeling that we wouldn't have that much time to spend with each other when my school starts. It was the best 24 hours ever spent with anyone and I'm glad it was with him. I realize that we're very lazy people. We're more content spending time in bed, huddled under the sheet and watching TV/WLIIA instead of going for dinner/breakfast. Austin Powers was on that night & he brought a season of WLLIA because he knew I wanted to watch it! That silly boy is so hard to wake up in the mornings okay. I had to wake him up like 5 times so that we could go get our complimentary breakfast. & that was the only reason why he woke up. Because it was complimentary. Hahahaha so cute omg

The fact that we got to spend that time together really brought us closer. I appreciate all the little things he does for me, even though I know I act like a bitch most of the time. I'd never forget that he's the first guy to buy me flowers because I was having a bad morning. Or the countless times he tells me he loves me even when I threaten to walk away. I love you, silly.

On a side note, I'm confused as to why things took such a turn but I always hope that it'll get better. But I honestly don't know what I did wrong, or maybe I'm just overreacting (even though my gut tells me I'm not), so I'm just going to let things be and hope for the best outcome.

Going for Bez's birthday party tonight. Not particularly excited because of the company, but socially obligated to go. Oh well.

/edit.

Maybe I do need to make new friends.

Not Today

2011-08-17T23:58:00.004+08:00

I realize I haven't blogged in almost a month! Oh dear. It's not like I've nothing to blog about, but I'm too lazy? Hehehe #procrastination

Well for the past month I've been spending as much time as I can with all my favorite people. Of course spending time with my boy. We've had our ups and downs but thankfully we always make the effort to sit down and talk about it. Yes I know I can be pretty high-strung, but props to him for not bailing.

Work's been alright. Randee has started working at The Brownie Factory! Affectionately known amongst Clique as TBF hehehe. I love how Whatsapp has brought us so much closer (: The amount of shit we talk about is astounding but it provides an excellent distraction from life.

School's starting soon & I'm really not looking forward to it. Everyone says "You don't have to worry so much! You're so sociable you can make a lot of friends." But I don't care to make anymore friends. I'm perfectly happy with those that I have & frankly I know I won't be able to find anyone better than them. I dread meeting new people.

I'm clinging onto the hope that it'll come true.

"as a woman i was taught to be hungry

women are well acquainted with thirst

yeah, we could eat just about anything

we'd even eat up your hate like love"

I Miss You (Miss You)

2011-07-21T00:50:00.003+08:00

I can't get over the fact of how tired I've been recently. Of course I'm the only one to blame since I've been sleeping at 2/3am despite having work at 9.30am. The boy can't get to sleep earlier either and it's also because of me. I should really start sleeping earlier. God knows I need the rest. My eyes keep twitching.

I miss my boy. Because of work & his school, we never get to see each other. The only available time we have during the week is Saturday. It's like he's in the army. Ugh I hate this. I want to be able to see him whenever I want. Or at least 3 times a week. Or live in the East instead of the West. Every time I see couples walking by or guys buying the heart shaped brownie for their girlfriends, my heart aches. We try to meet, but because of his stupid (incompetent) project group, the dates always get cancelled.

I want to:

1. Surprise him in school

2. Spend a whole weekend with him

3. Cuddle in his bed while watching stupid chick flick movies

4. Fall asleep in his arms

5. Have our heart to heart talks that always make me feel better

6. Sit on the beach/Walk along the jetty at East Coast Park at night

7. Do something luxuriously sinful

8. See him. All day. Every day.

Life, please get better soon.

Evidently

2011-07-09T13:15:00.002+08:00

You know what? I really don't want to care anymore. So yes, conformity is the best option.

Forever grateful to Twin for providing me with much needed distraction a.k.a Jeffery Deaver.

"And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened."

It's already happened for me.

Fix You

2011-06-30T02:26:00.002+08:00

I've been spending a lot of time with Darren + Yi Ci + Bez recently. Well I guess it hasn't really been a lot, but it just feels that way because we've hung out together for 2 straight days. That hasn't happened since school days so it feels long haha. We should do it more often because I do enjoy their company (: I just realised how fast time flies and I really don't want to think too much into the future but there's a high possibility that this might not last. So I want to spend as much time with them as possible before...well life happens.

It's also great to have the boy back (: Can't wait to spend more time with him because we didn't really get to when he came back. Weekends are always so so precious (:

Today I got to spend time with Clique. Two of them are going off to Australia to study, and the other one might become an SIA stewardess. Sigh. I won't get to spend that much time with them anymore ): This would royally suck because these girls got my back and they always will. It'd just be harder when they're so far away ): Growing up really sucks ): I love how we are still as close even though we don't see each other every day. Clique forever & ever.

Starting work again later. After not working for 2 days, going back to work really sucks. Maybe I'll get to lunch with Twin later since his work place is so near mine! (:

Okay, heading off to bed!

EK433/8.15AM

2011-06-27T00:14:00.002+08:00

The boy will be back in 8 hours!!! That means when I wake up I'll get my morning text that I've missed dearly :D I'm so so so so so excited yay :D *boogies* Can't wait to spend time with him later too (: (: (: (:

Played TF2 just now because Yi Ci finally downloaded it & Darren's teaching him how to play solly hehehe. Now Darren, Bez, Yi Ci & I can play TF2 together :D Awesome Possum!

Okay I have to be up early later & MY BOY IS COMING HOME TO ME :D

SUPER EXCITED OKAY I LOVE YOU SILLY BOY (:

Starlight

2011-06-25T22:28:00.002+08:00

I went down to Uniqlo to try to find my jeans because I've heard rave reviews about them. The material is comfortable, but the jeans don't seem to fit me /: They were either too baggy at the bottom, or the color didn't suit me. So I got two pairs of jeans from Levi's because there was a promotion. $199.90 for 2! Of course I had to add another $8 because I had to do alterations. 2 pairs of Slight Curve Skinny Jeans will be mine on Monday!

Speaking of Monday, the boy's coming home in the morning! I tried to change shifts so that I wouldn't have to work on Monday, but no one could take my shift ): But my boss was nice enough to let me off earlier, so I still get to spend time with him in the afternoon! He told me he wanted to surprise me with flowers. Silly boy. By telling me, it's not a surprise anymore! Hahaha (:

If you're reading this, please don't spend your money on flowers! They really are expensive /:

Okay, (slighty less than) 34 more hours to go!

Thunder low & Dixon

2011-06-25T15:21:00.006+08:00

Woke up at 2pm today and I still feel tired. But I guess that's largely due to the fact that I slept at 5am this morning haha. I blame Bezner because he passed me a story to read & I had to finish it!

Going to VivoCity later to buy my jeans. I need a new pair for work because I can't keep wearing my formal pants. But I hate buying jeans because they're always too long for me. When they're altered, they can't fit me. Idgi seriously. It's like I'm destined never to wear jeans -.- Also, Singapore's too hot to wear jeans ugh.

Right now I'm itching to get a new pair of shoes. Shoes are probably my biggest weakness, after Chanel (which I can't afford). So I guess for now, shoes are my biggest weakness. I need new flats, because the ones I bought recently are wearing out. It's hard to find flats because my the width of my feet is pretty wide, but the size of my feet is small. When I say small, I mean kids size small. Which is why... I'm looking at Supras. Not because I'm sick of Converse, I love Converse. But I've already got all the colours I want, so there's nothing there for me.

Unfortunately, I can't get them because Supra doesn't ship internationally. Hurrah. OH WELL.

2 more days, 2 more days till I can see my boy again! I can't wait :D I love you ♥

Anticipation

2011-06-25T01:57:00.002+08:00

I wouldn't say it was a long day at work, but it was damn draining. Mostly because I had to do closing with my boss. Who is not exactly the nicest person to work with. Also, I had a minor break down and I still don't know why that happened heh.

On the bright side, I got to webcam with the boy today :D He bought me a Harry Potter necklace from Movie World yay! So sweet heehee (: I'm so glad I got to see him (: Super happy! The weekend's here, so that means Monday is comingggggg!

Cannot wait to see you, I really can't wait ♥

All I Need

2011-06-24T02:44:00.006+08:00

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick, strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting every time

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already a voice inside my head

(I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already a voice inside my head

(I miss you, miss you)

I do miss you, and I know that last night (because it's 2.47am now) wasn't the best night for us. We were both in the company of other people, so I guess in a way it was a little distracting. Part of me wishes it wasn't like that, but that's life right? I should be grateful that I got to talk to you for a little while, instead of not at all. I'm sorry I was a bit snippy for a while, but you honestly can't blame me when I knew there was a girl in your room. It's not that I don't trust you. I guess it's more of the fact that she gets to be physically next to you instead of me. Oh well.

I am glad that I received your emails, facebook posts/messages & the "goodnight" video which I thought was really sweet of you to do. So thank you (: I'm glad you're having fun, and in 3 days you'll be back in my arms. Which is what I want more than anything right now.

Time really flies. It's already Friday. It's the beginning of Friday, but still Friday nonetheless. Starting work at 1pm later, which is good. I really can't do 11 hour shifts every day. But I guess in July I really don't have much of a choice.

Got to meet Darren & Bezner today after work, which is always nice. I always love spending time with them and it never seems like we'll ever run out of things to talk about. Even when there are periods of silence, it is always comfortable.

Bradley Cooper said that his favourite sound was "The sound of someone I love breathing", which I thought was a very wonderful thing for him to say. For me, I think my favourite sound in the whole world, is the sound of the people I love laughing. Not polite laughter, but uninhibited bouts of mirth. That is truly the sound I love the most.

Darren had to go for his cousin's birthday, so Bezner and I headed down to look for Kenneth. Vinodh joined us shortly after and we went for dinner at Chips. It's this bar near Hard Rock Cafe which I've completely fallen in love with. They don't play shit music like Justin Bieber. They play Deep Purple, A7X, Guns n Roses, Rage Against the Machine and many other bands that play that specific genre. Wimbledon was also playing on the telly, which was certainly an interesting contrast haha.

The silence at night is terrifying.

Distance

2011-06-22T00:53:00.003+08:00

I promised him I wouldn't mope around, but I can't help it because I miss him ):

It's weird not being able to talk to him because we text constantly. Every night we'll wish each other good night and talk (sometimes) for hours when we can sleep in the next morning. Now, for the next week I won't get a chance to do that. I won't get the chance to hear his voice. I won't get the chance to see him walking towards me with that goofy grin on his face. I'm bummed. I'm majorly bummed. He's only been gone for 9 hours and I miss him so much ): I know it's only a week and I must be coming off as some sappy teenage kid but he makes me so happy. & now he's not here to make me feel happy ):

This week is going to kill me.

At The Turn of The Tide

2011-06-16T21:20:00.003+08:00

Worked for 9.5 hours today, I want to die. Ally & Arun are awesome to work with. But Arun's leaving next week for Bali & Ally will be on leave for like... a month? Then I'd have to man the shop with the boss. ): ): ): ): DAMN SAD K. So if anyone wants to visit me, you better do it soon hahahaha. Or else I cannot entertain you!

Learning how to do opening tomorrow. Have to be there at 9.15am. Oh well, it shouldn't be that hard. I've gotten pretty much used to how things are run and Arun said I'm catching on really quick so that's good. The boss dropped by today but was in a good mood, so yay! I've heard so many horror stories already, I'm so unprepared to work with her. Alone. ):

Anyway, it'll be a short day tomorrow because I'll be done at 3pm! Going to spend as much time with the boy before he leaves for Australia next Tuesday )': But it's only for a week, so :D Next week's schedule at The Brownie Factory is also pretty short. 9.30- 3pm from Wednesday thru Friday! Possibly meeting Bezner on Wednesday to catch uppppp!

I'm so glad he's back from China/HK. He's like my number 1 best (guy) friend & I did miss him lol. I know I'm starting to sound dangerously like Hello Kitty (high-fives to those who got that reference), but it's a totally different story. Apart from Benny, he's probably the only guy that I'm most comfortable with because he really knows me & accepts me for me. Also, I love Wesley as a brother hahaha.

Benny's probably reading this and feeling all sad now /: HI, I LOVE YOU OKAY DON'T JELLY!

I can't believe Bezner's going prawning hahahaha. I was laughing when he told me that & he was like "Why can't I go prawning!!" So I said " Because Ah Bengs & Ah Lians go prawning in their shorts & slippers." To which he replied, "Oh shit I'm wearing shorts and slippers." HAHAHAHA

Okay, dinner time!

Politics, Drama, Love

2011-06-15T23:46:00.003+08:00

I've started work at The Brownie Factory and so far everyone's nice & that's great. I love having a nice working environment. It makes time pass by so much faster and we have fun. The girls I work with are really funny which is awesome. The boss is coming to check in on me tomorrow & I'm pretty nervous. She's known to be really strict, but I think I can pull it off. Then again she can't really expect that much from me since I've only worked for the past 2 days. But I know that's a wrong mindset haha.

The boy's been meeting me for lunch for the past 2 days, which is really sweet of him. Now that I've started work, we really don't get that much time together. So 2 hours a day is really all that we have. I really appreciate him taking the time out (:

He just gave me a Black Physician's Procedure Mask in TF2 & I'm super duper happy because I've been wanting it for the longest time :D HEHEHEHE HAPPY GIRL IS HAPPY!

I don't understand why some people are so childish. If they're unhappy with the way things are run, then do something about it. Don't be a keyboard warrior and bash people who are trying to make a difference. Yeah, maybe they're not doing it in the most tactful way, but when it comes to dealing with childish people there is no point using tact. If you want things to change, make the effort to make the change YOURSELF. If you think you can do a better job, then volunteer. Or else, keep your mouth shut or give some form of constructive criticism. The thing that annoys me the most? The fact that this thing is such a huge part of your lives and you have nothing else to fall back on but be trolls. Is your life really that dismal? Is it really that pathetic? Do you have no friends (other than the ones you know online) in your life? IS THIS REALLY ALL YOU CAN DO AND LIVE FOR? God, grow up. ALL OF YOU. IT IS SO SICKENING IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL EVERY TIME I HEAR SOME DRAMA UNFOLDING. The worst part of all? All of you, ALL OF YOU think that EVERYONE ELSE gives a shit.

Anyway, I love my boy for always understanding me (:

Now I'm going into Mumble because those boys always make me laugh. Highlight of my nights!

Iridescent

2011-06-05T19:37:00.004+08:00

When you were standing in the wake of devastation

When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

With the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now

You were there and possibly alone.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation

You build up hope, but failure's all you've known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go, let it go.

And in the burst of light that blinded every angel

As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars

You felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space

No one there to catch you in their arms.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation

You build up hope, but failure's all you've known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go, let it go.

Moon of My Life

2011-06-02T01:33:00.006+08:00

This week I'm more appreciative and aware of the wonderful people in my life. I don't think I'll last long without any of them.

M: Oh well, can't please the world right heh

T: Of course you can't, and no one expects you to

I think we need more time. We'll always need more time.

TOO MUCH METAL for ONE HAND.

I really really love/want this shirt!

1887

2011-05-30T01:01:00.003+08:00

Graduation was fun only because of my favourite people & I'm glad that part of my life is officially over. Went to Zouk on Saturday for Sogurt's First Anniversary party. Met up with D, R & E at Orchard MRT before going down to GWC. Rai kept asking me what number the bus to GWC was and I kept falling for it because I'm stupid >:( NTS: SHUTTLE BUSES HAVE NO NUMBERS.

These girls never fail to make me laugh and we always have fun together. I love it (: Saturday was the first time we all went to a club together (& for most of us the first time ever to be in a club)! We didn't actually club anyway, so I guess that experience will come later or maybe never hehehe. I don't really fancy strobe lights & loud sounds, unless it's a rock concert.

Surprised G with her very belated birthday present & I'm glad she liked it! Every girl likes cold hard cash ;) Another surprise of the night was when the boy's ticket number won the grand prize in the Lucky Draw. It was LoveBonito hamper, so I basically do not have to shop for the next 4 months. Hehehe, my lucky charm ♥

Went to have dinner with the boy at Botak Jones after the party & had lengthy conversations which I treasure (: It's times like these when I feel the closest to him.

Okay maybe now it's the honeymoon period or whatever, but I miss him with a vengeance ):

Reeling

2011-05-19T22:39:00.004+08:00

I've finally got the job at Prudential and it's pretty flexible so that's pretty sweet. I only have to work for 3 days a week & I'm getting paid $7/h haha. I'm such a slacker. But oh well, it's better than nothing, yes?

Went down to SIM today to hand in my application. I must say the university environment is very different. I got the feeling that everyone's pretty judgmental. I have no idea why. Weird huh? I foresee a lot of politics and drama.

Anyway, met up with Clique to have the much long awaited picnic at Singapore Botanical Gardens. I don't know why I typed that out in full. But yes, finally finally got to catch up with my girls (: Erza just got accepted into Murdoch, which means she'll be leaving in July. We have to meet up again before everyone starts leaving ):

I've already lost most of the people that meant something to me. I can't believe I might actually lose you. Being seemingly not affected by it doesn't mean I genuinely don't give a shit. It's because I give too much of a shit which is why I can't properly express how much of a sucky feeling that piece of news gave me. You probably won't be feeling much if you read this (I'm guessing) because of happy pills or whatever. But I don't have that luxury, so I feel every damn thing.

Miss You More

2011-05-11T04:00:00.001+08:00

So here I am all by myself

Thinking of you, nobody else

There's a feeling inside and as hard as I try

It just won't go away

Are you finding it hard all on your own

Having to face each night alone

Knowing you are the one with the love that I need

& I miss you more each day

Can't wait to see you later (:

May You Have The Sweetest of Dreams

2011-05-06T01:55:00.001+08:00

Just got off the phone with the boy & his cat's sleeping with him tonight. Sho kewt teehee :D

Abysmal

2011-05-04T00:35:00.003+08:00

Every day I'm reminded about how short life is. I'm also reminded about what a failure I am. Maybe my mom's right. I really am below average. Because as much as I try to prove her wrong, ...well I can't.

"Be the change you want to see in the world." You know, if it were that easy, the world wouldn't be so messed up right now.

I don't know why I bother. I really don't.

/edit

Sometimes it takes just one person to make it all just a little bit better to bear. You really make me smile like a high school teenager in love. Which is just what we are. In love (:

Mon Petit Chou-Fleur

2011-04-28T01:32:00.002+08:00

I miss

the way our hands always find each other when we're walking down the street. the way your arm falls lazily across my shoulders when you're tired. the way my head fits in the crook of your neck. the way you look at me when you know i'm about to get mad. the way you pull me close so that i can't walk away. the way your breath tickles when you whisper "I love you" against my neck. the way you kiss the top of my head. the way you smile. the way you always want to make me happy. the way you laugh like a little boy when i do something silly. the way you always assure me that i'm not that silly. the way you hug me when you know it's time to leave. the way you eyes look sad when i'm just about to say goodbye. the way your lips linger during the last kiss of our meeting.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Pretty Young Thing

2011-04-24T14:01:00.006+08:00

You really got to start fighting your own battles instead of whining to someone else about it. Let me remind you that the first shot was fired by you. & I bear grudges for a long long time. Ask anyone. I'm not a very forgiving person and frankly, you're not worth my forgiveness. You're right, nothing lasts forever. Especially what you love the most. You think every thing's all fine and dandy, but it's all a front. It has always been a front. I can't wait for the day when you realize that. Then you'll see how twisted you really are.

Anyway, I've been bumming hard this past week because I'm not working anymore. Tried my best to spend most of my time with the boy this week. School term starts tomorrow which only means less time together. Sigh. We'll make time. "Not seeing you for so long will make our next meeting special." (: Counting down the days! ilyvvm ♥

Congrats to Bezner who finally got his license! Meet up with Darren + Bez for lunch on Friday. Bez drove us to the airport. I'm very very proud of him because he's a safe driver hehehe. He forgot to put 500 Miles by The Proclaimers in his CD mix!!

Meeting the loveliest people this week for guo tie in Chinatown! It's been a long time since all of us got together and went out. Chrystal's been in the states, Germaine was preoccupied with getting married, Shem's in the army, the best friend (of all time) had exams & I was busy being happy with the boy (hehehe). BUT NOW CHRYSTAL'S BACK FOR A MONTH, GERMAINE'S MARRIED, SHEM DOESN'T HAVE TO GO BACK TO CAMP THIS WEEK, THE BEST FRIEND HAS TIME AFTER SCHOOL AND THE BOY HAS SCHOOL *inserts small sad face here* SO I'M VERY FREE. Can't wait hehehe.

I'm starting to feel tired. I feel it in my bones.

The Temptations

2011-04-15T15:03:00.002+08:00

This is too funny not to put up :D

Bezner: "There's this guy on the train that was talking very assertively, something about passwords and asking someone to come over early so he could run him through what he was going to do tonight. Then he said "yeah, so when you get aggro then you just frost nova them." Here I thought it was about some business deal or something hahaha. The suit and tie helped the illusion."

Sounds like Darren, if you ask me. Hahahaha

I've been better, but the lovely friends around me are my pillars of strength.
I'll pull through this, because of them.

The Art of Not Caring

2011-04-08T23:12:00.002+08:00

"Congratulations, you won. I have finally stopped trying. You are out of my life. Probably forever. But just remember, that when you realize that you lost your best friend, it was your fault. Don't you dare try to pin this on me. I have done my fair share of messing up, but this one, it's not my fault whatsoever."

Breakeven

2011-04-08T14:27:00.003+08:00

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay
I'm falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces

A terrifying thought struck me today and for the first time in my life I realized just how much I could lose. Sure, everything seems fine on the surface but people lie. They always lie. Some lie to get what they want. Others lie to protect those that they love. I'm sure we're all guilty on both counts. But sometimes when things matter entirely too much, do you then try to tell the truth? You see, the reason why we lie is because the truth always hurts.

I remember having a conversation I was having with Yi Ci just before we were done with TEP. He said, " I wonder how long we'd last." I didn't want to think about it at first, but now I wonder too. I wonder when all this will slowly fade away. I wonder if I'll ever be ready to let go.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.

Hope

2011-04-07T16:20:00.003+08:00

SMRT's so incompetent. Today's little fiasco still makes my blood boil, but no matter because I gave them a piece of my mind. I'll be expecting a reply and a refund of my $2. Or there'll be hell to pay. Disgusting service, seriously.

Anyway, the boy visited me for lunch and surprised me with a rose! When I asked him why, he said "Because I know you had a bad morning." So sweet omg heehee. He mentioned that my facial expression changed immediately when I saw him with the rose in his hand. Why wouldn't it! He makes me really really happy (:

The Proenza Schouler wallet is so pretty omg. I want ):

Silly Boys With Their Silly Toys

2011-03-31T17:23:00.004+08:00

I know I should be doing my work and really there is so much to do because of the Summer Blockbusters. Buttttt I want you guys to meet Gomok! :D (He's going to kill me if he ever sees this.)

Such a troll, srsly.

Wiz Khalifa

2011-03-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

Applying for Uni is a bitch. There so many documents to find, fees to pay, forms to fill out, trips to make down to the campus. I'm so lazy I don't want to do it anymoreeee ugh.

Started work at UIP again today. I'm glad JM was there to walk me through it again because I forgot how it was like working there. The long hours, the endless packing, late lunches, OT (forever OT i swear), events and more events. I don't mind the perks, but they really don't outweigh/balance out the amount of workload. The company makes up for it though (: They're all awesome people and I love how I can walk into their office & start gossiping about random people hahaha :D

This stint at UIP might last a week longer than I expected because apparently I'm supposed to train the new intern. Meaning, my junior. I don't get along with DMSM juniors. I've never had a conversation with any of my juniors. I highly doubt that I'd like the junior who's going to intern at UIP, considering I know of the company she keeps. But if I stay a week longer, my pay will increase by $300+. Decisions, decisions.

I've also applied to be a Relief Teacher (Primary School level) because they pay you like money is free. $11/h is the minimum. That's crazy. I'm not even getting paid that much at UIP now. Also sent in my resume to Harry Elias Partnership. It's a law firm, so that should be pretty interesting.

Not going to bum until August (that's if I get into Uni heh). I'm also considering getting a cat/dog. I've always wanted a dog. But I don't want to torture him/her in a HDB flat. There's not enough space for it to run around and I'm not getting a freakin' chihuahua. So...I might get a cat. If I buy her (I always think of cats as female idk why), my mom can't kick her out. Her face will get scratched anyway. HAH

Anyway, I spent tonight with Summer & Gomok :D Which was lovely because we haven't hung out in a while. It's funny how much things can change in such a short period of time. From my point of view, it's nice (:

Little Joys

2011-03-19T23:03:00.003+08:00

Had a great time today. Weighed myself & found out that I lost 1 kg without working out (hehehe chillin' like a bawse) Got my Hokey Pokey ice-cream fix from New Zealand Natural :D Thanks sweetie (: Love you long time!

Met up with Shem + Bestfriend in town. It's been a while since we've gone out together & it was nice (: Cannot stop laughing with those two. & SHEM WAS SUCH A SWEETHEART BECAUSE HE PAID FOR MY KICKS FIRST :D I'm paying him back tomorrow, but stillll heehee

Check out my new kicks! So awzm :D

Okay, I really should stop spending so much money. Thank goodness I'm going to start work soon otherwise I will be flat broke! I WILL STOP SPENDING MONEY. I will I will I will.

Can't wait to go to USS next Wednesday with ohsketchedtape :D

ALRIGHT I'M GOING TO ADMIRE MY SHOES AND GO TO BED YAY

For The Soul

2011-03-18T23:51:00.001+08:00

He is so amazing.

Nobody's Perfect, But We Try

2011-03-16T03:28:00.000+08:00

But if he can make you laugh, then think twice. Hold on to him & give him the best you can.

A Victim of My Own Optimism

2011-03-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

Bummed out. That's the best way I can explain what I'm feeling (or have been feeling) for the entire day. I missed Bez's call to hang out today. Even though I did want to hang out, I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. Tired/Lazy/Not feeling too good. Have to crash his place soon, because I want to see his iMac hehe. But of course I do miss the boy & Wesley (: It has been a while, and it's finally okay to do this? Correct me if I'm wrong. But I do think it's okay (:

Finally caught up with Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries. Elena is so annoying & I'm starting to like Jeremy/Bonnie (: Also, I pity Caroline. I don't think I'd mind being a Vampire. I already like drinking blood hahaha. Well, my own blood at least. Plus being able to block off emotions is tempting.

First Love by Utada Hikaru is playing & I've forgotten how much I love that song! I think Mikoh introduced it to me when we were in Secondary 2? I can't quite remember. I miss Crescent. I miss Clique. Life seemed simpler then. There was drama, but it didn't hurt that much.

When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

When did it stop being fun and start being scary? - I ask myself that everyday.

Oh, & you. "I want to see that live." That hurt, more than I'd like to admit. Because you almost had me fooled into thinking that it meant nothing. I should have known better.

Going to fool around with my guitar now & try to forget what a mess my life's turned out to be.

Heaven on Earth

2011-03-14T23:09:00.001+08:00

I really appreciate your company, because with you I'm different. With you, I'm happy.

There's Just No Way

2011-03-14T22:55:00.004+08:00

Masquerade

2011-03-12T23:23:00.003+08:00

I'm still trying to adjust my sleeping pattern. I feel so tired all the time, even though I'm sleeping longer hours. I'd be fine for a few hours and then my eyelids get so heavy. It's so exhausting.

Something's not right. It's like a big change is about to happen, and it's going to affect everyone I love. Not in a good way. My sixth sense is never wrong. I don't like it. I'm scared. It frightens me. It's going to get worse, isn't it?

I hold you in the highest regard. I don't know why, but I do. Please, don't change. Don't be different. We've already been through that. To be honest, I still haven't quite bounced back. Dealing with loss is not my forte. I've always cared entirely too much, for my own good.

I'm scared.

Reality Is Better Than My Dreams

2011-03-11T13:29:00.004+08:00

Hello darlings, I know I haven't been blogging. Not that there hasn't been much to blog about, but I was in New Zealand for the past 3 weeks. I'm glad to be home (: I do miss the city. It's really true that there are more sheep/cows than people there haha.

Going back to UIP to work for a bit since JM's going to Taiwan! Yay I'm quite excited. It's a very busy period now because it's the Summer Blockbusters period. Omg I might get to do the promo for Morning Glory :D To be honest, after working in UIP, I don't think I'd actually mind Marketing. Hm, we'll see.

I can't wait to meet up with everyone. I've missed all of you terribly! Going to USS (again) with ohsketchedtape on the 23rd :D So excited okay you have no ideaaaaaa hehehehe. I've missed all my bitches! Have to meet up with Clique soon, since Randee's leaving. But I think we can only do it next month since she's leaving on Monday ): It's been too long & I'm glad everything's back to normal (: Probably meeting Twin next week 'cause he's working at the IT Fair for the next 3(?) days. Maybe I'll surprise him hehehehehe

Okay, got to go eat my lunch & get ready for tonight! It's going to be wonderfully amazing (:

Silences That Never Are Awkward

2011-02-13T17:07:00.004+08:00

I'm still not quite grasping the fact that I don't have to wake up at 7.30am on Monday to go to school. There's no more school. It's a surreal feeling. Not that I mind :D

We all need the break after going to school for 13 years of our lives. I can't wait to bum around (for a while) and sleep in late (I don't give a shit about my mother) and hang out with my awesome possum friends. Meeting the girls on Thursday to play L4D + eat sushi! I wonder how long this L4D craze will last. Maybe the next thing would be Counter Strike hahaha.

I don't think I'm going to miss NYP at all. I'll miss some people definitely, but not so much the school. It's not like and never will be like CGS. The people who I've remained friends for all 3 years are the ones worth keeping. I'm so glad to know who to trust and who to thrash. I've enough bullshit to deal with in my life, I'm not going to keep people around who are full of shit.

School would have sucked majorly without G+Marl+Rai+Dea+Shar+Leila. Love all of them very very much (: Of course there're the boys, like Bez+Yi Ci+Faris+Marcus who never fail to make me laugh whenever I'm having a conversation with them. Of course that's just in MS0802. I haven't seen Twin+Idiot in a while, but they've always been there for me when times have been absolute shit and I'm grateful for that. Then there's YL+JM+PHG who made the Australia trip such a blast and hopefully we'll get together to play mahjong againnnnn :D

Okay, enough reminiscing! There's no need really. 'Cause when it's time to move on, the people who've always been there? They'll be moving on with you (:

Ciao!

Go Stuff Your Face

2011-02-01T16:29:00.005+08:00

I know some of the ugliest people in the world. Unfortunately, she thinks she's not. That's the thing I can't stand. I'm not saying I'm perfect. Hell no. I physically fought with my mom last night. How perfect does that make me? The important thing is, I'm not afraid to do it. I don't hide behind people and expect them to do my dirty work for me.

Stop being so "politically correct" (thanks for the quote, G) & grow a pair. If you want something to be done your way, you jolly well start the ball rolling. I can't believe that you'd actually have the nerve to do something like that. Sad to say, but I expected a lot more from you.

You say that you can't believe such "ugly" people exist in this world. Well honey, take a good long hard look in the mirror. See that girl (you don't even deserve being called a bitch because you don't know how to be one) staring back at you? She's ugly as hell. She's so ugly that hell spit her right back out.

This whole situation disgusts me. Stop with the fake smiles, fake thank you(s), fake stepping around people because you're afraid of a confrontation. If you're a bitch, then start acting like one. I know I am. I'm already proving my point.

You mess with my girls, you mess with me. That's the absolute bottom line. Do you want to know why I wasn't present that day? It's because I know if I was there, I'd be giving a tight slap across your face.

Oh, & your secret? Not a secret anymore. I'm not just talking about the one. I'm talking about everything.

You know you love me, XOXO

Gossip Girl

IN YOUR FACE, BITCH

2011-01-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

So relevant right now.

Stick A Needle In Your Eye

2011-01-22T18:13:00.002+08:00

Once again, it seems like I can't do anything right. It's always failure after failure. Maybe this is just me. I have to accept the fact that I can't do anything right and I probably never will be able to. No one's perfect anyway. I just thought, that maybe I'm not that stupid. As it turns out, my mother was right. I guess mothers do know best. I'm not smart, not pretty (less than average as my loving mother puts it) and I'm short. Who'd want that? No one. Clearly.

I shall return to Tumblr, where life doesn't seem so bad. Pathetic, I know. But what can I say?

I failed.

A Day To Remember

2011-01-20T12:27:00.004+08:00

Stay silent at least for now.

It's been a while since I've updated this space. I guess there's really nothing much to say. Or rather, there're too many things happening in my life right now & I don't quite know how to put it into words.

I've finally found stable ground after what seems like forever. To whoever who's been there (you know who you are), I love you & thanks (:

But more than anything, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small

You never need to carry more than you hold

And while you're out here getting what you're getting to

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too

Yeah, this is my wish.

The Cobbler

2011-01-08T00:02:00.001+08:00

I want these to wear for the wedding >:(

In Your Face

2011-01-03T23:26:00.004+08:00

What I've been feeling for the past week. Torres + NPH in one post = full of win.

Whispers of the Night

2010-12-26T15:59:00.003+08:00

Do you remember me

I sat upon your knee

I wrote to you

With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now

And still need help somehow

I'm not a child

But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong dream

My grown up christmas list

Not for myself

But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And every man would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown up christmas list

I want to watch Michael Buble live, but I don't have anyone to go with.

Whirlwind

2010-12-25T21:04:00.005+08:00

~~Well, it's been quite the week.~~

I've decided to take myself out of the equation, which is the reason why I wasn't present. It just didn't make sense to me to hash it out. I wasn't in the best of moods either, so I didn't want to say anything that I'd probably regret. After all, all we have at the end of the game is a lonely way out.

~~It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment.~~

~~I'd like to remember the good ones.~~

~~An apology is in order to all those that I've offended or angered this past week. Let bygones, be bygones.~~

~~Remake, Reshoot, Restart.~~

So childish, seriously. I take it all back.

It definitely doesn't feel like Christmas, but then again when has it ever.

I've already forgotten the last time I had a good Christmas.

I wish I could do this.

Oh well, Merry Christmas

Pressure the Hinges

2010-12-20T23:35:00.002+08:00

Just spent time with some of my favourite people in the world & I'm very happy (: It's been too long and I really really needed this. So thank you. You know you who are (:

I guess the only thing I can do right now is to take it one step at a time, yea? Also, watch all 6 seasons of SATC heh.

Knife Blood Nightmare

2010-12-17T13:01:00.003+08:00

You know what, seeing that really made me snap out of it. I mean what's the point of dwelling on the negative right? I'm doing so much better, (huge thanks to my girls) and I'm happy.

If that's the way things are going to go, then fine by me. I can handle it. It has happened before, and now it's happening again. I learn from my mistakes, obviously you don't. I thought you were different, I really thought you were. I've always put you on a pedestal because I thought you were special. That in some way, you deserved it.

Thank you for proving me wrong, that you're not better than the rest of them.

I can't wait to meet Twin on Monday.

Live The Change

2010-12-11T00:28:00.003+08:00

There's really nothing much to say. But in a blink of an eye, everything's changed.

I just want to say that I'm so grateful for all the people in my life who've been so supportive. Who always find ways to make me laugh. Right now, that's all I want to do. To laugh and be happy. I know it's easier said than done, but I don't really have a choice right?

Things will get better, I know they will.

I miss Twin. I need to see him soon.

Habit-forming

2010-12-07T09:29:00.002+08:00

Cracks. I see them everywhere. It scares me that it'll remain like this. No one else sees it, but me. Or maybe everyone does but they don't believe in it. We're walking on eggshells now, all the time. I don't know what happened, I don't know what went wrong. I don't even know if I want to know.

Well I've gotten really good at pretending that everything's alright. So I guess that's what I'll do. There's nothing much else left, is there?

Weekly Routine

2010-12-04T21:35:00.003+08:00

I'm horribly horribly sick ugh. I haven't been this sick in...forever. Didn't go to school on Friday. Slept in, woke up, read LOTR, slept again. Can't quite remember Friday. Anyhow, still not getting any better.

Went to help Yacong do grocery shopping for tomorrow's farewell dinner for Sarah! We spent $144 at Giant. Bought an insane amount of food /: I hope everyone can finish it!

I've thought about it for the longest time. I can never make up my mind and I don't have the answers. I want to know the answers. I need to know. I don't know how much more I can take. This paragraph's full of "I"s. I should stop now.

BCWY

Buang

2010-11-23T23:28:00.003+08:00

LAST 2 WEEKS OF PRODUCTION *runs and jumps around room*

It's been a good run with my group & I'm so happy that there wasn't any drama. I wonder what I'd be doing for the 2nd stopover. Stupid draw lots system. Can die only! Please, please, please get a good group.

Got back from "training" for the 93.8fm interview this Friday. Huge waste of my time ugh. It's not like I volunteered for this shit. Everyone's either gay/pretentious/too stupid to know what they're talking about.

Anyway, B passed me Black Ops so yay! It's been fun so far :D

Now I'm really tired and I want to go to bed. K bai.

Emma Watson

2010-11-22T23:43:00.001+08:00

She's the epitome of elegance and class & I love her so much.

We Are The Harry Potter Generation

2010-11-20T13:16:00.003+08:00

HARRY POTTER IS SO FANTASTIC :D This movie's so much better than the previous 2. I'm glad (in a way) that they didn't play up the deaths, I think it'd have been to hard to film. Even for them. Harry Potter's been such a huge part of our lives. When I mean "our", I mean the kids born in the 90's. This is why Harry Potter > Twilight. I really like this quote by Andrew Futral.

"Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."

I can't wait for July'11 to come now. I can't wait to buy the Harry Potter box set :D

So anyway, today's the YSA's Thanksgiving dinner. I can't wait to see all my favourite people (: I guess it's been a while since we've all had the chance to mingle. The last "big" thing that happened was Convention. Which was in...September. Heh. Can't wait :D

Oh, & I still can't decide whether to get COD:Black Ops >:(

Butterbeer

2010-11-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Having a day off from TEP is such a relief. I think we all really need the break. I've lost count of how many weeks have passed since the start, but we'd be done before Chinese New Year 2011 so I guess it's not that far off. Time definitely passes faster as compared to IPP.

Speaking of which, my old supervisor asked me to work for her when I graduate. I don't mind really, I mean I already know what to do. At the same time, I do want to try something different. Like become a mascot handler at USS or be a hotel receptionist at MBS. I don't know. But right now, I need different. Oh well, I guess time will tell.

Watching Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 1 tomorrow omg I'm so excited I don't even! It's going to be legend-wait for it-dary :D I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't waitttttttt. I want school to fly fly fly fly fly by so fast like a G6.

There a couple more things I wanna do when I'm alive. (Sounds so ominous heh) I want to watch a NBA game, preferably Lakers vs 76ers. I want to watch a baseball game, Red Sox vs Yankees. I want to watch any All Blacks rugby game. I want to watch an entire season of EPL at all of the locations. I want to attend a Summer/Winter Olympics. I want to visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Six Flags and Disneyland.

Sponsers? Heh.

Happily Never After

2010-11-14T17:09:00.004+08:00

So B & Wes got their DSLR yesterday. They looked so happy playing with their new toy heh. B said that they took 374 photos that day. I don't remember them taking so many shots!

Twin came down after his Family Day to have lunch, which was nice (: I like how he treats Wes hahaha. It's extremely hilarious. I took (what I think is) a great picture of both of them yesterday, & I'm waiting for B to upload the photos heh. Went down to AFA after lunch to take a look at the cosplayers. Met Dee there! (: She keeps changing her hair tsk. No wonder it's so hard for me to locate her. She looks different every time I see her.

Chilled at Starbucks, & then went home. It was a good day (:

but i miss you, most of all. it scares me.

25th

2010-11-12T23:59:00.001+08:00

Maybe it's true, I can't live without you

& I'm thinking two, is better than one

Time really flies. Had Sushi Buffet for dinner after what seemed like the longest time. Walked high and low because we couldn't settle for the travesty. *inserts mock shocked face here* Found out about clicking & doom/gloom. Baby bought me Chanel Nail Polish (Orange Fizz) & I'm so so so happy because I love Chanel (over 9000)! Of course I totally intend to pay him back. As much as I love him, I want to own my very first Chanel product (:

It's looking to be a good weekend.

Cosmic Love & Hope

2010-11-11T16:22:00.006+08:00

Your heart cares for nothing in return

And I'm just taking

Taking you in

Caught up in your smile

I'm happy as a child

But I'm still drowning

Drowning in your love

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart

It's Only A Matter Of Time

2010-11-09T10:57:00.004+08:00

Our hearts combined like a neutron star collision.

And then a

Boom

Shalaka

He's walkin' up to me

Boom

Shalaka

He's starts talkin' to me

Boom

Shalaka

My heart skips a

Boom

Shalaka laka

Boom boom

I don't know why, but this strikes such a chord in me.

"Tell my baby girl that it's alright, I've sung my last song today.

We're not alone, don't leave this light on for me. I'm free."

Punkie

2010-10-31T22:44:00.002+08:00

Just came back from dinner at my grandma's. She was telling us stories about her childhood. Some were really sad to hear, and some were funny. She's so adorable. I'll really miss her when she goes. She has lead such an incredible life. When she was 11, she took her 4 year old brother and ran to Geylang to hide from the Japanese. Her family was staying at Redhill back then, and for her to take her brother all the way to Geylang...that's just amazing.

Deb's back from the States, so we got to really catch up (: I do miss all my dearest cousins. They're like sisters to me. It'd be a long while before all of us can get together. So bummed about that ):

Now that Halloween's almost over, that means Thanksgiving is coming up! Bez's mom always throws the best Thanksgiving parties. I can't wait to go :D & & after Thanksgiving is CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! :D I love the Starbucks cups during Christmas :D Hehehehehe

Oh well, back to school tomorrow. Edwyna, bring Monopoly Deal pl0x!

Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da

2010-10-30T13:36:00.003+08:00

I had a fantastic time last night with my boys (: I don't know why I see them as my boys, but I do. & I love them to bits. Blasting 500 Miles & singing to it at the top of our lungs was so hilarious. Then there was the Darth Vader theme song hehehe. What a perfect way to end a Friday (:

Anyway, I can't wait for Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 1 to come out in theaters. I'm going to book the tickets as soon as they're available. I think I'm going to wake up super early to do that. So exciting omggggg :D I grew up with Harry+Ron+Hermione, and watching this is going to propel me back to my childhood. I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait! I'm so glad they made the decision to not do Part 2 in 3D (:

I WANT THESE SO BAD.

Because That's How It Starts

2010-10-29T15:30:00.002+08:00

"You're just a ragdoll, sewn together with memories that we might have had. I know you're just the dream inside of a dream. And don't worry, I know I don't know you. Anymore."

I can't wait this week to be over. 2 more hours to the weekend. Can't wait to spend time with my boys tonight (:

Almost Grown

2010-10-23T01:03:00.002+08:00

"We all want to grow up. We're desperate to get there. Grab all the opportunities we can to live. We're so busy trying to get out of that mess, we don't think about the fact that it's going to be cold out there. Really freaking cold. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time we stand on our own two feet, we're standing there alone."

Lipstick Stains

2010-10-22T18:23:00.002+08:00

We're halfway through the first stopover of TEP. Time really does fly when you're in school. It's been great so far and I think I'd miss everyone here. Old School Delight's Sticky Chewy Chocolate Cake is fantastic! Eileen bought Happy Family & we played it when we were back in school. Jaryl kept asking Gloria whether she had Daughter Bone when he had it all along. Hahaha damn funny!

I'm at macs now, waiting to leave school. Deanna's whining to Gloria about some puzzle thing. She just said "Today doesn't feel like Fridayyyyy." I've got to agree with her. It really doesn't. B's playing with my iPod Touch. He's so cute. Tubby wubby bubu (:

It's so funny how your mind works, you know? I don't really quite know how to understand you. I guess I thought I could, but as it turns out I never really knew...well, you. I hate how this is so stagnant. Oh well.

Silver Wings

2010-10-22T00:13:00.002+08:00

I was reading through my old posts and I realized that a lot has changed.

I miss my twin ):

Avalanche In Motion

2010-10-21T23:50:00.002+08:00

I think TEP is taking a toil on everyone. Adeline just flared up at Elizabeth today. This week, my group almost lost 3 videos. Fwah, panicked like shit but thankfully we got them back heh. But so far I think my group's progressing splendidly. So yay (:

B hasn't been having a very good week. It sucks to see him like this and it sucks more because I can't really do anything about it. I mean I could, but the way I'd approach it would probably make things worse. Hopefully things will run their (right) course & everything will be okay.

Went for Sakura Buffet with Ed, Jas, Fiona, Raychelle, Andy, Bro & B today. Satisfied my craving for sushiiiii nomnomnom (Y) I think we took a lot of retarded pictures hahaha. I'm very proud of the video I took of Jasmine, our resident ah lian :D Hehehe, love you long time Jas!

Filming at Old School Delights tomorrow! I hope the lighting is a lot better than Strictly Pancakes. There aren't exactly that many dishes so I think we'd need a lot of shots. (G, I know you read my blog. Please remind me!)

I let my guard down and you caught me by surprise

The Artist, The Musician, The Friend

2010-10-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAN :D

Have a great one and best of luck for your A's! (:

Turn The Other Way

2010-10-16T16:36:00.006+08:00

How do I live without the ones I love?

Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned

Place and time always on my mind

And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay

When I have so much to say and you're so far away

Wishing the clock could stand still, the world can wait.

Wasting away once again, once lived as friends.

As time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life.

The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night.

Never will I forget you, and all the memories past.

So rarely I get to see your face.

Growing I looked to you in guidance.

We knew that time would kill us, but you're still so close to me.

Danger Line

2010-10-14T21:17:00.002+08:00

I have my own take on things, you have yours. There is absolutely no need to shove your opinion in my face and expect me to feel guilty about my own. How childish can you get? It's not like this is the first time, and I know it won't be the last. But what can I do right? To each their own. Whatever floats your boat, honey.

Please don't expect me to give a shit, when you never replied my messages. You think that you can just walk in and out of my life whenever you want. I hate that. But you know what I hate most of all? I hate that I let you, and I hate that I care.

"I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it."

Lean With It

2010-10-13T23:28:00.003+08:00

You know, I'm stuck between the person I am, the person I want to be and the person I'm becoming.

I don't know what to do.

24th

2010-10-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY BABY (:

I've grown so much during our time together (& apart). I have only you to thank for helping me become a stronger person these past 2 years. You're so wonderful & I love you forever (: ♥

Catch & Release

2010-10-09T13:02:00.003+08:00

Met up with Keith on Wednesday 'cause I knew he was having a bad week. I've missed that boy! It was great catching up with him again (: Took the train down to Nicoll Highway with B & then headed down to Plaza Sing for dinner. Keith's favourite pesto from Pastamania has been scrapped from the menu and I know he's bummed about it. I guess it helped that there was a hot girl sitting diagonally across him haha. Walked around to find materials for the Halloween shoot & collect tickets for Vienna Boy's Choir before settling at Cafe' Cartel for 9pm dessert! Had an intense discussion about Emma Watson vs Ellen Page, & I still stand by my lovely Emma. Girl crush forever, Ellen cannot compete. Our conversations always crack me up, and those 2 boys are so special to me (: I hope we can do this again, soon!

Twin came by school on Thursday, which was a lovely surprise. I completely didn't expect it, so it definitely made my day (: Did the Halloween shoot later which was a ton of fun. I love all my girls (: They make TEP worth going to. G & I decided to follow Bro for the TNP New Face Finals as part of an "adhoc project". It was hilarious, but I know Bro wished he brought Faris instead. Heh, apologies my friend.

Vienna Boy's Choir yesterday was fantastic!! The boys are so adorable, can die. The high notes that they hit send shivers down my spine. I don't know any girl who can hit those high notes. Crazy fantastic. B & I made a pact that the next time we watch something at the Esplanade, it'd be a musical (: There was some outdoor dance class thing and it was teaching couples how to do the Waltz. We tried to follow for a while hahaha. Friday was wonderful (:

Alright, FRIENDS time :D

When It Means Everything

2010-10-05T22:54:00.004+08:00

I like coming home now because I have the entire box set of FRIENDS to watch. FRIENDS always, always makes me happy (: I love how Ross & Rachel are meant to be together, I hate it when they're apart, I love watching Chandler grow into the man that Monica loves, Joey never fails to crack me up & Phoebe's so quirky she's adorable. I'm glad I have Clique, now we need the guys! ;)

We ordered Sarpino's pizza for lunch today yay! I'm so sick of the food in school. We need to do this more often :D Ran with B at the stadium today. I hope it's going to be a weekly ritual because God knows I need the exercise. Project Marion - Lose Weight has commenced! Might be running with Ed tomorrow, we'll see (:

Going to watch Vienna Boys' Choir on Friday with B! Super stoked :D I watched them a couple of years back when they were in Singapore and they are so unbelievably fantastic. I'm ready for some ear (& eye) candy :D

I'm wanting some Krispy Kreme donuts right about now.

Losing My Only Dream

2010-10-03T23:36:00.003+08:00

Well it's been quite the week. Met Malcom on the bus on the way to MDA & had a nice chat with him at Starbucks while waiting for the rest of the class to arrive. He's such a sweet guy (:

I want to do so many things. I want to ride a gondola in Venice, I want to watch musicals in old theaters in London. I watched Les Miserables there & it blew my mind. I want to walk out to my balcony and see the ocean. I want to be able to go to Mauritius and getaway from the world. I want to sit down with my friends & laugh until I cry. I want friends, like FRIENDS. Sigh, what's a girl to do?

I miss a lot of people ): I miss Clique. I miss Twin. I miss Benji. I miss Bryden. I miss Keith ):

STINKY BANANA :D

2010-09-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST EDWYNA!

Thank you so much for being there for me (: We've grown a lot closer during internship (the irony), & I'm so grateful that you're always there to listen. Be the strong girl I know you are and everything will work out. Love you very very much ♥

Buried Alive

2010-09-29T16:39:00.003+08:00

Take the time just to listen

When the voices screaming are much too loud

Take a look in the distance

Try and see it all

everything, anything and not have a problem with the silence in the middle

2010-09-28T23:51:00.002+08:00

Went to Ice Edge Cafe @ Kovan to film Chomp Chomp Campus. It was good fun and we left the place feeling extremely full because they gave us 7 dishes to film/eat. I love the chocolate lava cake & the vanilla ice cream is fantastic. Fish & Chips were awesome too! Go check the place out. It's a nice place to relax because it's not crowded and they play good music. Which is a huge plus.

I'm glad we talked it out. We've actually never done that before and I feel like we're so much better because of it. I promise I will try to tell you how I feel. The only reason why I hesitate/leave it be is because I'm afraid of what you'd think of me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that just now. I (think) you read this space? So I hope you understand. Yes, you can be quite the jerk. But like I said, I'll love you all the same (: I hope we can meet soon. I miss you quite terribly ♥

Scuderia Ferrari

2010-09-26T22:07:00.001+08:00

GO TEAM FERRARI!!!!!!!

Alonso came in first! I'm proud of Massa holding strong at P10 (:

& HAMILTON SUCKS HAHAHAHAHAHA SUCKAAAAAA

Because without the work, it wouldn’t really be worth it.

2010-09-26T21:42:00.002+08:00

Everything you do, everything you touch and everybody you talk to let alone see, has left a mark. No matter how big nor how small, everything that has crossed our path at one point has surely affected us in a particluar shape or form, and we’ve affected that thing as well. Whether it be physically or mentally the collision between that object, person or event and you has left a piece of itself or themselves within us. You may not realize it at first because the significance seems small; the mere thought of it is too vague to comprehend, the particles too diminutive for the naked eye to see straight-forward, but it’s there. The change and mark is there and the mere thought slips through our minds everyday. Our surroundings have been all affected by us and whatever we do to it will forever leave a mark. Good or bad.

the more you know, the more you realize you know nothing.

2010-09-24T22:48:00.003+08:00

TEP was fun today. Hilarious videos were made, horror stories told and of course the rushing out of scripts at the end of the day. The people really make school worth while to go to & I hope it stays that way. We could all do without the drama.

It makes me happy & sad at the same time. Knowing what could've been if different choices were made. Of course, I'd never know for certain because I'll never have the guts to ask. Sometimes, the not knowing is so much better.

Actually, I Can

2010-09-22T23:50:00.003+08:00

Saosin's been on repeat lately.

We finally settled on the place that we're going to feature of Chomp Chomp Campus which is great. Now I can get started on my script. I haven't written one for so long, I think my writing skills are shot to hell. I agree with Yi Ci, no standard already. Die. Scripts have to be done by the end of this week. Planning to complete mine tomorrow. I can do it I can do it *mantra*

You know the feeling you get when things are falling apart? I'm very familiar with that feeling. I don't really care if I'm being paranoid, but my intuition has never been far from the truth. It's just a matter of time before things really start to go downhill. I'm just waiting for it to happen.

But for now, you know, smile. Pretend like everything's okay. Because at the end of the day, no one really gives a shit about anyone but themselves. Hoorah.

"It's hard for the one who leaves. But it's harder for the ones left behind."

We're Unforgettable

2010-09-20T22:09:00.003+08:00

Saturday was a fantastic day because I got to see Clique! Met up with Randee & Xueli at Causeway Point where Randee cut bangs! Super cute :D Then we made our way to the bus interchange where Xueli headbutted a guy and it was SO FUNNY omg. Randee & I couldn't stop laughing. Randee read the directions that Erza gave her wrongly, so we ended up taking the wrong bus. I walked into a door in Erza's house thinking that the room was just dark. So many embarrassing moments in one day!

The food was fantastic & Erza's house is damn gorgeous (: Her niece is super cute & extremely hyper. We all love her. I think we'd adopt her if we could! She has a little dance routine to Justin Bieber's Baby. If you ask me, I might show you hahaha. Damn adorable. She also appreciates Michael Jackson though, so I think we're safe! We stayed till about 11pm just talking. I really really love Clique. There's no one like them & being with the people you love is just lovely (:

Sunday was a great day too because I got to meet Bus 1 people at the fireside! We always crack each other up & with them I feel ridiculously happy. Caught up with Hyrum, the army boy, after he got back from Thailand. I think the boys really have changed since they've gone into army. It's not a bad thing (: I do enjoy listening to the army stories.

Today's the first day of TEP. Time flew by so fast! So different from IPP. I like my group & I'm glad we all have good chemistry. Here's to a great 1st stopover & 10 weeks of production! It's really nice to be back in school with MS0802.

California Girls is stuck in my head right now because of Eileen & Elizabeth singing and dancing in school. "Daisy dukes bikinis on top!"

DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again

2010-09-18T15:31:00.002+08:00

BIG FAT LOVE TO CLIQUE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM LATER!

I can't wait to see all of them. I miss them so much.

Yesterday marked the last day at UIP for me. Went back to work because I had to handover to JM & I had so much fun :D She's really damn blur can't take it hahaha. But big thanks to her for helping me with my logbook making. Omg we laughed so much can die. I don't remember having that much fun during internship. We ended the day by calling each other Schmuck. She's the bigger schmuck!!! I forsee getting calls from her during the duration of her IPP hehehe

Good luck JM (: Love you la schmuck!

I was looking through the Convention photos & I'm so glad I've got Benji (: Hi best guy friend in the whole world, I love you very much okay? (: With you I'm always comfortable ♥